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Protesters vow to bring back the “ol spit ‘n’ shake”

Written by:
E.P Pirt, Jr.

April 24, 2020

Houseplants, vinyl records, and ‘spittin’ on it’. What do these things have in common? According to Jackson Smith they are all making a comeback in 2020. 

We interviewed Mr. Smith and his mother, Bethany, at a Stay-At-Home protest in Columbus, OH. 

“Listen, y’all. It’s my god-given right to swap spit if I want. Pretty sure it’s even in the Consti-tuition or somethin.” He and Protestors from all over the United States have vowed to make it their life mission to bring back “the ol’ spit’n shake”.

The tradition of spit and shake originated back in the Wild West, before hygiene had been discovered. The movement’s’ slogan, “If there ain’t spit, it don’t mean shit” was a favored chant of the day.

Smith says that he closes all of his deals with his “second amendment spitball” and that he doesn’t trust any man that won’t do the same. When we asked Bethany if she was also a part of the movement’ she replied, “Oh God, no. They’re fucking disgusting. I’m just Jackson’s ride.”

photo: runninghorserealty.com

By: E.P Pirt, Jr.

April 24, 2020

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