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Trump urges CDC to change social distancing guidelines so he can still get spray tan

Written by:
E.P Pirt, Jr.

April 6, 2020

PALM BEACH, FL – The CDC recommends maintaining a minimum of 6 feet away from all people during the current coronavirus outbreak. The spray tan industry, in particular, has taken a major hit due to the government’s social distancing mandates. That may all be about to change.

President Trump has ordered the CDC to reduce the 6 foot minimum to 3 feet or “they’re fired”.

Why 3 feet, you may be wondering?

“Spray tans require a minimum of a 3 foot distance between the sprayer and sprayee. But you should really be further away”, says Aimee Fitz, Master Spray Technician at Cray Cray for Spray Spray. “Blowback’s a bitch.”

“You’re seeing what’s happening, and it’s really, a very bad thing, very bad, maybe not if you’re a Democrat, some say, but what we’re seeing is you have the cure – it’s actually worse than the problem”, Trump told reporters at a briefing from his Mar-a-Lago resort on Monday, echoing an earlier tweet.

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